Pioneers, they were rad.

tired. embarrassed. happy. scared. loved. annoyed. hated. tickled. hoping. liked. wishful. needed. breakable. wanted. broken. tough. loud. hurt. soft. missed. played. kissed.


i wish i could run away. 
run until it's hard to
breath.
run faster than i ever
have before.
run away from my desire
to be wanted.
run from the hurt
that i have.
run far from anyone
who could hurt
me further.


a war is going on inside me.
one side wants me to never
give up hope. don't let
the obvious pull you down,
kara. think inside. what
have you felt, seen, and
heard?
don't give it up.

the other side says that i've
already lost hope. the hope
has vanished into
thin, thin air. no point in
hope. it only brings sadness
& pain. don't hurt your
self anymore kara.

I've yet to figure out which side
is the "good" side.

falling slowly, deeper and deeper.
the light has faded above my head
it's getting harder and harder to see
where i'm falling. it gets cold. and then
a burst of warmth comes my way. i don't
want the warm to leave. it's so nice and
without it i don't feel safe. the warmth leaves
quick and without warning. i feel cold&unsure again
falling slowly again.
i'm falling slowly, but what if no one is here to catch me?

happy deep down, not happy but maybe grateful. happy to be alive and healthy. friends that mostly care. family that loves, and cares. just the simple happiness.

-kara