happy relief : enough

I go in a cycle, I need him, I miss him, I can't have him, I need to let go, then I finally let go. then the cycle begins again.
I don't know why I have so much hope for us. It seems ridiculous, I know that. He's never told me that I'm anything but a friend. The way he looks at me, speaks to me, and the way he is with me. It gives me useless hope. Hope that dies off in an instant, when he does the same thing to another girl. Every time he does it tears me apart.
He seems too good for me. Am I not worthy of him? What am I doing wrong? I've thought of him too long. I've never shed tears for himmaybe, I'm not capable of tears at this point. He knows me. I thought I knew him. We seem the perfect match. I read too much into relationships. But how do I stop?
There is a reason he keeps coming back into my life, for what reason I am not sure. He has his faults, and so do I. Am I not pretty enough? Not smart or talented enough? A million of these questions fill my mind.
I've never been able to tell him my thoughts and feelings. When I've tried I just can't. I'm too scared of being broken, embarrassed and hurt.
I was almost done. I had deleted any cute texts. I was on the verge of a break through. Then he crept back into my life, like he was supposed to be there. His place in my heart had filled up again. It was like he never left.
I don't know what to do. I want to keep his friendship, without hurting myself every time I look at him.

-kara