Misunderstood

I'm the type of girl who would wear a t-shirt everyday if she could. I would wear my hair up, with the lightest of make-up. I would put barley any effort in myself. Sadly, I can not do that. I have a fear of not being accepted. A very large fear. I know I am different, and I try my best not to show it. I am not like the other girls. Sure, I like boys and would love it if one liked me. But I know it won't happen anytime soon, so I wait. The other girls are catty and rude. They think highly of themselves, though they seem humble. They are completely unaware of the world outside of our state. The girls are too judgmental and prissy. For some stupid reason, the boys are drawn to them. In my opinion these girls are unbearably fake. The boys are too stupid to see that. They are blinded by the girls beauty(that i lack). At this point I do my best to look decent. I try and do my hair, make-up , and pick out some sort of outfit that looks presentable. I do my best, but I am simply sick of trying. When I try I get put down. I can't be good enough. It's not possible. My hair looks weird, my skin isn't perfect, my outfit doesn't match. The list goes on. The others are tearing my limb from limb. All I do is sit and watch. What else can I do? All this judgmental-ness has put me in a bad mood. I am rude to certain people, though I don't mean to be. I do my best to ignore the rude comments, but that doesn't solve anything. At times I am able to shut all my emotions off. Bury everything hurtful down deep. After awhile it arises and hurts someone, and embarrasses me. I feel foolish, then I bury that feeling down further. Some of the feelings never arise again. They stay there until a small event happens then I explode yet again. Though I smile, no one knows that deep down I am soon to crack again. I've vented too long, I am sorry.

Goodnight.

-Kara