tummy's burst into butterflies

I try hard.

We try not to let the words 

of others phase us. 

Every word lashes at us, whether 

they are good or bad. 

In my case, I try to ignore the silence

this small mishap has brought on me.

When I am ignored it reminds me of last year.

History repeats it's self. It always does.

Then I think, does this mean he will

come into my life once more?

Bringing my slight self confidence

to a burning crash. 

History repeats it's self, but maybe this time

I won't let it. 

The feelings have faded, slowly oh so slowly. 

Sometimes I think they are still there.

But what am I to do?

-kara diane 

kiss me here

words hurt, more than some people understand.
but no, i won't go kill myself and video tape it
so you can watch it later. thanks for asking though.

i made a choice, and it was the right one.
i just wish he'd realize that, and come back.
he doesn't get that it hurts both ways.

i am okay, i'll let you know that.
i am strung together by peter pan,
my best friend, and a slight new hope from
someone with cute lips and a nice truck.

that damn hole is coming back. it's more
irritating than ever. maybe because i did
it to myself. maybe because i can't find
anything to fill it with. i am in desperate
need of a miracle.

hopefully,

kara diane

never ever

Happy fall break everyone. 
I sort of changed this here blog of mine.
Idk why. I just did. Tell me if you like it. 
Or not, either way works.

Also, I think I might go private. Cause some people just like to read this, and make fun of me. Not that I really care what they think. It just gets annoying.
I guess I'll think about it.

Let's see. Oh right, boys. Uhh. Yeah, I'm single and extremely happy about it. I was in a cute little relationship for like two or three days. Then I broke his heart. It was difficult, and he's difficult. Basically I'm his gf or nothing. So that's were that is at the moment. His loss, I'm a great friend.

My best friend is gone, and so I basically might die. She's like my only real friend. I'll miss her terribly. So I think I'll write everyday and say what I did, cause she did the same for me when I went to saint george. Holler. 

Day One of Madison's Absence:
Well I saw you at school and stuff, then I took you home and almost died. I went home and I re-did my hair. It was bugging me, so I washed it and let it go all natural. Then I sat and watch some show, I can't remember what it was. Then Nelson, Mattie text me and was like come to my house I will make you food and you can take me the the football game. I was like okay, cause you were gone. Before this happened, I was like I'm bored I'll text madison..OH WAIT SHE'S GONE. Anyway. I got to matties and ate her food, then to the football game we went. Number one, I hate foot ball. Number two I was so bored cause you weren't there making me laugh. Then Skittles text me and I was like HOORAY, cause he's cute. He came and we went to some rich kid party. Remind me to tell you about it, cause let me tell you some nice things happened there. Anyway. Then everyone went home, but mullet and I didn't have to go till like 12ish. So we went to get my car, and then we went to mcdonalds and ate gross pies and diet coke. LOL. You'd be proud of me Madison. I was like HTG. All the way. Yay for me. Then I got home and slept, cause it was like 1232. So yeah. I was thinking about you alllll day. It was a goodnight, but it would have been better with you.

Day Two of Madison's Absence:
I woke up, and then I ate noodles. Then I showered. I was like, I'll look cute today. Then I realized I wouldn't be seeing anyone so what's the point? I cleaned my room. I did some laundry. Then Jordan needed lunch, and I was craving Chick-Fil-A. So I drove down there(by myself) and bought him lunch and took it to him at work. On the way home I stopped at walmart and got a rockstar and pumpkin cookies. By myself. MYSELF. ALONE. I got home and folded my laundry and cleaned the bathroom. Now I sit here, alone. Cause you're gone. Like. I really have no other friends. I just asked my mom if we could do something together when she get's home. Haha. This is pathetic. I've watch the amanda show, zoey 101, the naked brothers band movie, and I started my big fat gypsy wedding. I stopped cause it didn't feel right without you. I would be there myself laughing. I hope you're having fun riding roller coasters, and listening to old men talking to themselves. This is a great day. Lol not. 

Alright. More to come. Enjoy, I guess.
Also, I might like this one kid. LOL. Yeah I doubt that will happen.

love,
kara 

what awaits

I hate limits, boundaries and anything constricting. 

I am very independent. Yet, I'm terrified of losing people.

I wish I could be like the other girls and crave having a boy at my side. One that says sweet words, and holds my hand. 

But really I'm not. And I'm sorry for that.

I want to be on my own. To figure out this new person I have become. She's very interesting. Still can't make up her mind, but she will do alright. 

with writers block,

Kara 

winning, again.

I don't think I will ever understand the male species.

Some are like "Oh, girl you be FIIIINE." Then some are like "Oh you beautiful young women, I shall cherish thee."  And then there's ones that say "Imma go play COD." 

One thing I have learned(out of all my years of watching them) is that guys are unalterably stupid. Really though, if you don't understand that you're going to have trouble in life. I guarantee  it.

In these past few weeks of school, I have reacquainted myself with male personals. I now remember why I never get too involved with them. THEY ARE IDIOTS. 

I mean, I love most of them with every inch of me, but they just don't get it. You can have the biggest player ever and he might not even know it. Or maybe the one that won't leave you alone? Yeah, they are always fun. You're just like "I don't like you." and he'll be like "I WILL WAIT FOREVER." Then you're thinking, dude chill. 

Then there are those wonderful jackass's. Oh wait, no they aren't. 

Boys will be boys I guess. Girls, stay smart and stay out of the drama. It will make life 10000000000000000000000times better. I promise.

Always,
Kara (: 

sup.

Basically, yes.

and I don't know what to do about it.

still here,

kara 

100% juice

It's slowly tearing it's way back.

With each shred of flesh it rips

and breaks. That hole.

It is coming back.

I don't want it. It hurts me terribly.

 It makes me hutch over in unbearable pain.

It's different this time. I don't have

 the one thing that held me together.

And that scares me. 

-Kara Rhodes